SUPERGREED : Sun Nov 16, 2014 9:58 pm
Do things really ever change ?One night, many years ago, when I fell asleep I started to dream, and through the night a story unfolded..........
I was a lifelong supporter of my local professional rugby league team Hipperholme, known for many years to their fans as "The Hips", who played on a sloping pitch at Shibden Hall.
Hipperholme were never the most fashionable club but occasionally surprised the rest of the rugby world by winning the odd match , until their well meaning but clueless directors and administrators put a stop to the brief success by selling any decent up and coming players.
The only trophies that the Hips ever won were presented to the Board of Directors by The Temperance Society in recognition of their organisation of social functions at the local brewery.
This comfortable mediocraty was shattered in the mid 80s by the arrival at Shibden Hall of a local boy made good, millionaire businessman Johnny Maverick.
Mr Maverick, as he liked to be known, brought great success to The Hips, initially by importing dozens of Canadian players.........much to the dismay of the existing players but much to the delight of local publicans.
By the time that Mr Maverick left Shibden Hall to take up the prestigious role of Chief Managing Executive President Chairman Of Ripon Synchronised Swimming Club, The Hips were a force to be reckoned with in rugby league circles. No-one, teams and spectators alike, relished the trip to Shibden Hall with its hostile partisan atmosphere, windswept muddy sloping pitch and inadequate, outdated spectator facilities.
But nothing remains the same forever and in a blaze of publicity it was announced that Space TV, a satellite channel owned by Canadian media mogul Rudolph Maniac, would pay £100m to The Rugby League if it altered its k.o times, switched to summer, amended its rules and changed its name to Supergreed.
Faced with enormous support from the Directors, the club joined the cartel, sorry Supergreed, and appointed Nick Micawber ( the larger than life former player ) as Chief Executive. His first move was to coin the nickname "Hipperholme Two Hats"
Supergreed insisted that the £100m was invested wisely in hugely extravagent players and administrators salaries. So the clubs, led by Chas Capone the chairman of Cleckheaton Cows, appointed Malcolm Winton, an amusement arcade owner from Liverpool as the Chief Executive of Supergreed.
Soon Malcolm had made a name for himself all over the country as he promised that Supergreed would be an unmissable spectacle to rival It's a Knockout, Superbowl and American Wrestling. It would feature top class stadiums packed to the rafters for a full days entertainment for all the family.
The excitement would be nonstop and would feature Dancing Girls, Top Class Cabaret, Circus Acts, dazzling firework displays followed by First Class Product. ( the word "Rugby" had been dropped by now.......the market research people said that it conjured up images of flat caps, whippets, loyalty, sportsmanship and cheap admission prices )
So Supergreed was born and for a couple of years the crowds at Shibden Hall were left speechless after witnessing entertainers including Debbie Bimbo, The Eric Higginbottom Trio, Debbie Bimbo, Shane Yobbo and Debbie Bimbo.
Not to mention the new club mascots Harry & Hattie, a pair of cute, tubby little hobgoblins who wandered around the edge of the pitch amusing the crowd with their hilarious antics. The atmosphere was brilliantly built up to fever pitch by the club compere Toby, who urged the crowd to get behind "The Two Hats" like a demented kids tv presenter.
There was talk of him leaving the club to join Timmy Mallet in a double act, but sadly the rumours came to nothing.
The build up was so intense, grown men could be heard crying out loud after the teams entry during the firework extravaganza.
Unfortunately the "Two Hats" had become a victim of their own success and the ground at Shibden Hall had become too small to house the growing number of Commercial Managers, Community Officers, Promotions Executives and numerous essential back room staff. Despite opposition from many fans, it was agreed that the only possible course of action would be to move from Shibden Hall and share Hipperholme Towns ground at The Stray.
The move was not as straight-forward as was initially imagined. There was a six month delay in getting a ground safety certificate from Coleydale Council until the 40W lightbulb in the ladies toilet was changed for a 60W bulb, and the toilet paper was changed from Lemon to a nice shade of Pastel Pink. Hipperholme Town agreed to moving goalposts and remarking out the pitch every week, they agreed to share first aid boxes and shower soap but unfortunately litigation is still likely over proposals to change the name of the ground to "The NEW Stray"
I awoke in a cold sweat. My wife said that I had been having a nightmare.
I told her that it seemed so real, and related the story to her.
"Calm down" she said, "It was only a dream, and besides, you are a Halifax fan"
It could never happen at Thrum Hall !
