Just found out today that people have been talking about me behind my back. Not that it bothers me that people talk about me behind my back because it probably just means that they care. But apparently I’ve got life too easy at home at the minute. That I am enjoying the lifestyle of sitting at home and contributing to nothing what’s so ever.
People just really don’t know me do they? Inside I’m an ambitious person who just needs the right guidance in life that will not lead me to something that is riddled with false flag operations and hidden agendas. I’m never going to be a world beater but I’m sure at the best of my ability I’d give anything a good go.
But these days I feel like giving up because people have given up on me as someone to any value to this world. I’m working in Morrison’s for the rest of my life and that is optimism at its most optimistic. At this rate I can see myself dieing before my 21st birthday in some bed-sit away from the trappings of this world.
I did promise myself anyways at the end of the year if things don’t get any better I’m off for good. Although I don’t feel all that suicidal at the moment I can smell a dead rat at the end of this year already. It’s either that or I’m just not a good futurologist. At the end of the day I see no point in carrying on in this world when I have nothing of contribution to it through those eyes of my closest.
Nothing interest me in this world as much anymore. Just go watch the rugby league for something to look forward to. Social engagements are nothing more than glorified encounters that have resorted to become nothing more than a postcard picture for people’s Facebook profiles. The only time I find myself at peace with the world is when I’m on my own listening to my favourite tunes in my bedroom.
The only way you found out who really cares is when your at your lowest. For the rest of the time its live and let live. Every lover just want you to be what they have a picture of you in their minds. No one really wants what’s best for oneself - just what looks best for the person who gives you the guidance so they can get the past caring approval of everyone else.
At the end of the day anyways this earth is nothing more than a spiritual experience and lets face it we all struggle with this spiritual experience because of societies expectations. We will never be what we want to be because people have corrupt that innocence by introducing greed. Greed that forces us to be competitive rather than tolerant of everyone’s work.
Greed is not affecting me personally but it is affecting those who want what’s best for me in their own minds. Greed that wants me to go to a job that has no meaning other than pay bills that are created out of societies greed. Thing is I try to build a little something for myself and it soon gets downgraded because its not acceptable - ‘it’s a nine till five look at me I’m working like the rest of you’ that’s acceptable in peoples eye.
People don’t become wealthy by working nine till five - they become wealthy by doing things they own way. And this is not the wealth that most people consider wealth - money. Wealth for me would be writing and entertaining. I don’t know how many people have been entertained by myself but I’m sure I’ve made more than one persons day. That’s wealth to me - other peoples happiness given by myself.
Enouth of this utter dribble and I’m going to get on with watching this film
just been scratching inside of my ear. and then proceeded to type a message and smeared the biggest lump of ear wax on my laptop button. awful absolutley awful!!
Last edited by Craigloiner on Mon Jan 26, 2009 10:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
just been scratching inside of my ear. and the proceeded to type a message and smeared the biggest lump of ear wax on my laptop button. awful absolutley awful!!
