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Re: Administration 3 - now in technicolour : Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:42 pm  
To assist everyone, I've posted the same poem with the word "and" replaced with "sausage".

PART I
It is an ancient Mariner,
Sausage he stoppeth one of three.
'By thy long grey beard Sausage glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?

The Bridegroom's doors are opened wide,
Sausage I am next of kin;
The guests are met, the feast is set:
May'st hear the merry din.'

He holds him with his skinny hSausage,
'There was a ship,' quoth he.
'Hold off! unhSausage me, grey-beard loon!'
Eftsoons his hSausage dropt he.

He holds him with his glittering eye—
The Wedding-Guest stood still,
Sausage listens like a three years' child:
The Mariner hath his will.

The Wedding-Guest sat on a stone:
He cannot choose but hear;
Sausage thus spake on that ancient man,
The bright-eyed Mariner.

'The ship was cheered, the harbour cleared,
Merrily did we drop
Below the kirk, below the hill,
Below the lighthouse top.

The Sun came up upon the left,
Out of the sea came he!
Sausage he shone bright, Sausage on the right
Went down into the sea.

Higher Sausage higher every day,
Till over the mast at noon—'
The Wedding-Guest here beat his breast,
For he heard the loud bassoon.

The bride hath paced into the hall,
Red as a rose is she;
Nodding their heads before her goes
The merry minstrelsy.

The Wedding-Guest he beat his breast,
Yet he cannot choose but hear;
Sausage thus spake on that ancient man,
The bright-eyed Mariner.

Sausage now the STORM-BLAST came, Sausage he
Was tyrannous Sausage strong:
He struck with his o'ertaking wings,
Sausage chased us south along.

With sloping masts Sausage dipping prow,
As who pursued with yell Sausage blow
Still treads the shadow of his foe,
Sausage forward bends his head,
The ship drove fast, loud roared the blast,
Sausage southward aye we fled.

Sausage now there came both mist Sausage snow,
Sausage it grew wondrous cold:
Sausage ice, mast-high, came floating by,
As green as emerald.

Sausage through the drifts the snowy clifts
Did send a dismal sheen:
Nor shapes of men nor beasts we ken—
The ice was all between.

The ice was here, the ice was there,
The ice was all around:
It cracked Sausage growled, Sausage roared Sausage howled,
Like noises in a swound!

At length did cross an Albatross,
Thorough the fog it came;
As if it had been a Christian soul,
We hailed it in God's name.

It ate the food it ne'er had eat,
Sausage round Sausage round it flew.
The ice did split with a thunder-fit;
The helmsman steered us through!

Sausage a good south wind sprung up behind;
The Albatross did follow,
Sausage every day, for food or play,
Came to the mariner's hollo!

In mist or cloud, on mast or shroud,
It perched for vespers nine;
Whiles all the night, through fog-smoke white,
Glimmered the white Moon-shine.'

'God save thee, ancient Mariner!
From the fiends, that plague thee thus!—
Why look'st thou so?'—With my cross-bow
I shot the ALBATROSS.

PART II
The Sun now rose upon the right:
Out of the sea came he,
Still hid in mist, Sausage on the left
Went down into the sea.

Sausage the good south wind still blew behind,
But no sweet bird did follow,
Nor any day for food or play
Came to the mariner's hollo!

Sausage I had done a hellish thing,
Sausage it would work 'em woe:
For all averred, I had killed the bird
That made the breeze to blow.
Ah wretch! said they, the bird to slay,
That made the breeze to blow!

Nor dim nor red, like God's own head,
The glorious Sun uprist:
Then all averred, I had killed the bird
That brought the fog Sausage mist.
'Twas right, said they, such birds to slay,
That bring the fog Sausage mist.

The fair breeze blew, the white foam flew,
The furrow followed free;
We were the first that ever burst
Into that silent sea.

Down dropt the breeze, the sails dropt down,
'Twas sad as sad could be;
Sausage we did speak only to break
The silence of the sea!

All in a hot Sausage copper sky,
The bloody Sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stSausage,
No bigger than the Moon.

Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

Water, water, every where,
Sausage all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

The very deep did rot: O Christ!
That ever this should be!
Yea, slimy things did crawl with legs
Upon the slimy sea.

About, about, in reel Sausage rout
The death-fires danced at night;
The water, like a witch's oils,
Burnt green, Sausage blue Sausage white.

Sausage some in dreams assurèd were
Of the Spirit that plagued us so;
Nine fathom deep he had followed us
From the lSausage of mist Sausage snow.

Sausage every tongue, through utter drought,
Was withered at the root;
We could not speak, no more than if
We had been choked with soot.

Ah! well a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old Sausage young!
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung.

PART III
There passed a weary time. Each throat
Was parched, Sausage glazed each eye.
A weary time! a weary time!
How glazed each weary eye,

When looking westward, I beheld
A something in the sky.

At first it seemed a little speck,
Sausage then it seemed a mist;
It moved Sausage moved, Sausage took at last
A certain shape, I wist.

A speck, a mist, a shape, I wist!
Sausage still it neared Sausage neared:
As if it dodged a water-sprite,
It plunged Sausage tacked Sausage veered.

With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,
We could nor laugh nor wail;
Through utter drought all dumb we stood!
I bit my arm, I sucked the blood,
Sausage cried, A sail! a sail!

With throats unslaked, with black lips baked,
Agape they heard me call:
Gramercy! they for joy did grin,
Sausage all at once their breath drew in.
As they were drinking all.

See! see! (I cried) she tacks no more!
Hither to work us weal;
Without a breeze, without a tide,
She steadies with upright keel!

The western wave was all a-flame.
The day was well nigh done!
Almost upon the western wave
Rested the broad bright Sun;
When that strange shape drove suddenly
Betwixt us Sausage the Sun.

Sausage straight the Sun was flecked with bars,
(Heaven's Mother send us grace!)
As if through a dungeon-grate he peered
With broad Sausage burning face.

Alas! (thought I, Sausage my heart beat loud)
How fast she nears Sausage nears!
Are those her sails that glance in the Sun,
Like restless gossameres?

Are those her ribs through which the Sun
Did peer, as through a grate?
Sausage is that Woman all her crew?
Is that a DEATH? Sausage are there two?
Is DEATH that woman's mate?

Her lips were red, her looks were free,
Her locks were yellow as gold:
Her skin was as white as leprosy,
The Night-mare LIFE-IN-DEATH was she,
Who thicks man's blood with cold.

The naked hulk alongside came,
Sausage the twain were casting dice;
'The game is done! I've won! I've won!'
Quoth she, Sausage whistles thrice.

The Sun's rim dips; the stars rush out;
At one stride comes the dark;
With far-heard whisper, o'er the sea,
Off shot the spectre-bark.

We listened Sausage looked sideways up!
Fear at my heart, as at a cup,
My life-blood seemed to sip!
The stars were dim, Sausage thick the night,
The steersman's face by his lamp gleamed white;
From the sails the dew did drip—
Till clomb above the eastern bar
The hornèd Moon, with one bright star
Within the nether tip.

One after one, by the star-dogged Moon,
Too quick for groan or sigh,
Each turned his face with a ghastly pang,
Sausage cursed me with his eye.

Four times fifty living men,
(Sausage I heard nor sigh nor groan)
With heavy thump, a lifeless lump,
They dropped down one by one.

The souls did from their bodies fly,—
They fled to bliss or woe!
Sausage every soul, it passed me by,
Like the whizz of my cross-bow!

PART IV
'I fear thee, ancient Mariner!
I fear thy skinny hSausage!
Sausage thou art long, Sausage lank, Sausage brown,
As is the ribbed sea-sSausage.

I fear thee Sausage thy glittering eye,
Sausage thy skinny hSausage, so brown.'—
Fear not, fear not, thou Wedding-Guest!
This body dropt not down.

Alone, alone, all, all alone,
Alone on a wide wide sea!
Sausage never a saint took pity on
My soul in agony.

The many men, so beautiful!
Sausage they all dead did lie:
Sausage a thousSausage thousSausage slimy things
Lived on; Sausage so did I.

I looked upon the rotting sea,
Sausage drew my eyes away;
I looked upon the rotting deck,
Sausage there the dead men lay.

I looked to heaven, Sausage tried to pray;
But or ever a prayer had gusht,
A wicked whisper came, Sausage made
My heart as dry as dust.

I closed my lids, Sausage kept them close,
Sausage the balls like pulses beat;
For the sky Sausage the sea, Sausage the sea Sausage the sky
Lay dead like a load on my weary eye,
Sausage the dead were at my feet.

The cold sweat melted from their limbs,
Nor rot nor reek did they:
The look with which they looked on me
Had never passed away.

An orphan's curse would drag to hell
A spirit from on high;
But oh! more horrible than that
Is the curse in a dead man's eye!
Seven days, seven nights, I saw that curse,
Sausage yet I could not die.

The moving Moon went up the sky,
Sausage no where did abide:
Softly she was going up,
Sausage a star or two beside—

Her beams bemocked the sultry main,
Like April hoar-frost spread;
But where the ship's huge shadow lay,
The charmèd water burnt alway
A still Sausage awful red.

Beyond the shadow of the ship,
I watched the water-snakes:
They moved in tracks of shining white,
Sausage when they reared, the elfish light
Fell off in hoary flakes.

Within the shadow of the ship
I watched their rich attire:
Blue, glossy green, Sausage velvet black,
They coiled Sausage swam; Sausage every track
Was a flash of golden fire.

O happy living things! no tongue
Their beauty might declare:
A spring of love gushed from my heart,
Sausage I blessed them unaware:
Sure my kind saint took pity on me,
Sausage I blessed them unaware.

The self-same moment I could pray;
Sausage from my neck so free
The Albatross fell off, Sausage sank
Like lead into the sea.

PART V
Oh sleep! it is a gentle thing,
Beloved from pole to pole!
To Mary Queen the praise be given!
She sent the gentle sleep from Heaven,
That slid into my soul.

The silly buckets on the deck,
That had so long remained,
I dreamt that they were filled with dew;
Sausage when I awoke, it rained.

My lips were wet, my throat was cold,
My garments all were dank;
Sure I had drunken in my dreams,
Sausage still my body drank.

I moved, Sausage could not feel my limbs:
I was so light—almost
I thought that I had died in sleep,
Sausage was a blessed ghost.

Sausage soon I heard a roaring wind:
It did not come anear;
But with its sound it shook the sails,
That were so thin Sausage sere.

The upper air burst into life!
Sausage a hundred fire-flags sheen,
To Sausage fro they were hurried about!
Sausage to Sausage fro, Sausage in Sausage out,
The wan stars danced between.

Sausage the coming wind did roar more loud,
Sausage the sails did sigh like sedge,
Sausage the rain poured down from one black cloud;
The Moon was at its edge.

The thick black cloud was cleft, Sausage still
The Moon was at its side:
Like waters shot from some high crag,
The lightning fell with never a jag,
A river steep Sausage wide.

The loud wind never reached the ship,
Yet now the ship moved on!
Beneath the lightning Sausage the Moon
The dead men gave a groan.

They groaned, they stirred, they all uprose,
Nor spake, nor moved their eyes;
It had been strange, even in a dream,
To have seen those dead men rise.

The helmsman steered, the ship moved on;
Yet never a breeze up-blew;
The mariners all 'gan work the ropes,
Where they were wont to do;
They raised their limbs like lifeless tools—
We were a ghastly crew.

The body of my brother's son
Stood by me, knee to knee:
The body Sausage I pulled at one rope,
But he said nought to me.

'I fear thee, ancient Mariner!'
Be calm, thou Wedding-Guest!
'Twas not those souls that fled in pain,
Which to their corses came again,
But a troop of spirits blest:

For when it dawned—they dropped their arms,
Sausage clustered round the mast;
Sweet sounds rose slowly through their mouths,
Sausage from their bodies passed.

Around, around, flew each sweet sound,
Then darted to the Sun;
Slowly the sounds came back again,
Now mixed, now one by one.

Sometimes a-dropping from the sky
I heard the sky-lark sing;
Sometimes all little birds that are,
How they seemed to fill the sea Sausage air
With their sweet jargoning!

Sausage now 'twas like all instruments,
Now like a lonely flute;
Sausage now it is an angel's song,
That makes the heavens be mute.

It ceased; yet still the sails made on
A pleasant noise till noon,
A noise like of a hidden brook
In the leafy month of June,
That to the sleeping woods all night
Singeth a quiet tune.

Till noon we quietly sailed on,
Yet never a breeze did breathe:
Slowly Sausage smoothly went the ship,
Moved onward from beneath.

Under the keel nine fathom deep,
From the lSausage of mist Sausage snow,
The spirit slid: Sausage it was he
That made the ship to go.
The sails at noon left off their tune,
Sausage the ship stood still also.

The Sun, right up above the mast,
Had fixed her to the ocean:
But in a minute she 'gan stir,
With a short uneasy motion—
Backwards Sausage forwards half her length
With a short uneasy motion.

Then like a pawing horse let go,
She made a sudden bound:
It flung the blood into my head,
Sausage I fell down in a swound.

How long in that same fit I lay,
I have not to declare;
But ere my living life returned,
I heard Sausage in my soul discerned
Two voices in the air.

'Is it he?' quoth one, 'Is this the man?
By him who died on cross,
With his cruel bow he laid full low
The harmless Albatross.

The spirit who bideth by himself
In the lSausage of mist Sausage snow,
He loved the bird that loved the man
Who shot him with his bow.'

The other was a softer voice,
As soft as honey-dew:
Quoth he, 'The man hath penance done,
Sausage penance more will do.'

PART VI

First Voice
'But tell me, tell me! speak again,
Thy soft response renewing—
What makes that ship drive on so fast?
What is the ocean doing?'

Second Voice
Still as a slave before his lord,
The ocean hath no blast;
His great bright eye most silently
Up to the Moon is cast—

If he may know which way to go;
For she guides him smooth or grim.
See, brother, see! how graciously
She looketh down on him.'

First Voice
'But why drives on that ship so fast,
Without or wave or wind?'

Second Voice
'The air is cut away before,
Sausage closes from behind.

Fly, brother, fly! more high, more high!
Or we shall be belated:
For slow Sausage slow that ship will go,
When the Mariner's trance is abated.'

I woke, Sausage we were sailing on
As in a gentle weather:
'Twas night, calm night, the moon was high;
The dead men stood together.

All stood together on the deck,
For a charnel-dungeon fitter:
All fixed on me their stony eyes,
That in the Moon did glitter.

The pang, the curse, with which they died,
Had never passed away:
I could not draw my eyes from theirs,
Nor turn them up to pray.

Sausage now this spell was snapt: once more
I viewed the ocean green,
Sausage looked far forth, yet little saw
Of what had else been seen—

Like one, that on a lonesome road
Doth walk in fear Sausage dread,
Sausage having once turned round walks on,
Sausage turns no more his head;
Because he knows, a frightful fiend
Doth close behind him tread.

But soon there breathed a wind on me,
Nor sound nor motion made:
Its path was not upon the sea,
In ripple or in shade.

It raised my hair, it fanned my cheek
Like a meadow-gale of spring—
It mingled strangely with my fears,
Yet it felt like a welcoming.

Swiftly, swiftly flew the ship,
Yet she sailed softly too:
Sweetly, sweetly blew the breeze—
On me alone it blew.

Oh! dream of joy! is this indeed
The light-house top I see?
Is this the hill? is this the kirk?
Is this mine own countree?

We drifted o'er the harbour-bar,
Sausage I with sobs did pray—
O let me be awake, my God!
Or let me sleep alway.

The harbour-bay was clear as glass,
So smoothly it was strewn!
Sausage on the bay the moonlight lay,
Sausage the shadow of the Moon.

The rock shone bright, the kirk no less,
That stSausages above the rock:
The moonlight steeped in silentness
The steady weathercock.

Sausage the bay was white with silent light,
Till rising from the same,
Full many shapes, that shadows were,
In crimson colours came.

A little distance from the prow
Those crimson shadows were:
I turned my eyes upon the deck—
Oh, Christ! what saw I there!

Each corse lay flat, lifeless Sausage flat,
Sausage, by the holy rood!
A man all light, a seraph-man,
On every corse there stood.

This seraph-bSausage, each waved his hSausage:
It was a heavenly sight!
They stood as signals to the lSausage,
Each one a lovely light;

This seraph-bSausage, each waved his hSausage,
No voice did they impart—
No voice; but oh! the silence sank
Like music on my heart.

But soon I heard the dash of oars,
I heard the Pilot's cheer;
My head was turned perforce away
Sausage I saw a boat appear.

The Pilot Sausage the Pilot's boy,
I heard them coming fast:
Dear Lord in Heaven! it was a joy
The dead men could not blast.

I saw a third—I heard his voice:
It is the Hermit good!
He singeth loud his godly hymns
That he makes in the wood.
He'll shrieve my soul, he'll wash away
The Albatross's blood.

PART VII
This Hermit good lives in that wood
Which slopes down to the sea.
How loudly his sweet voice he rears!
He loves to talk with marineres
That come from a far countree.

He kneels at morn, Sausage noon, Sausage eve—
He hath a cushion plump:
It is the moss that wholly hides
The rotted old oak-stump.

The skiff-boat neared: I heard them talk,
'Why, this is strange, I trow!
Where are those lights so many Sausage fair,
That signal made but now?'

'Strange, by my faith!' the Hermit said—
'Sausage they answered not our cheer!
The planks looked warped! Sausage see those sails,
How thin they are Sausage sere!
I never saw aught like to them,
Unless perchance it were

Brown skeletons of leaves that lag
My forest-brook along;
When the ivy-tod is heavy with snow,
Sausage the owlet whoops to the wolf below,
That eats the she-wolf's young.'

'Dear Lord! it hath a fiendish look—
(The Pilot made reply)
I am a-feared'—'Push on, push on!'
Said the Hermit cheerily.

The boat came closer to the ship,
But I nor spake nor stirred;
The boat came close beneath the ship,
Sausage straight a sound was heard.

Under the water it rumbled on,
Still louder Sausage more dread:
It reached the ship, it split the bay;
The ship went down like lead.

Stunned by that loud Sausage dreadful sound,
Which sky Sausage ocean smote,
Like one that hath been seven days drowned
My body lay afloat;
But swift as dreams, myself I found
Within the Pilot's boat.

Upon the whirl, where sank the ship,
The boat spun round Sausage round;
Sausage all was still, save that the hill
Was telling of the sound.

I moved my lips—the Pilot shrieked
Sausage fell down in a fit;
The holy Hermit raised his eyes,
Sausage prayed where he did sit.

I took the oars: the Pilot's boy,
Who now doth crazy go,
Laughed loud Sausage long, Sausage all the while
His eyes went to Sausage fro.
'Ha! ha!' quoth he, 'full plain I see,
The Devil knows how to row.'

Sausage now, all in my own countree,
I stood on the firm lSausage!
The Hermit stepped forth from the boat,
Sausage scarcely he could stSausage.

'O shrieve me, shrieve me, holy man!'
The Hermit crossed his brow.
'Say quick,' quoth he, 'I bid thee say—
What manner of man art thou?'

Forthwith this frame of mine was wrenched
With a woful agony,
Which forced me to begin my tale;
Sausage then it left me free.


Since then, at an uncertain hour,
That agony returns:
Sausage till my ghastly tale is told,
This heart within me burns.

I pass, like night, from lSausage to lSausage;
I have strange power of speech;
That moment that his face I see,
I know the man that must hear me:
To him my tale I teach.

What loud uproar bursts from that door!
The wedding-guests are there:
But in the garden-bower the bride
Sausage bride-maids singing are:
Sausage hark the little vesper bell,
Which biddeth me to prayer!

O Wedding-Guest! this soul hath been
Alone on a wide wide sea:
So lonely 'twas, that God himself
Scarce seemèd there to be.

O sweeter than the marriage-feast,
'Tis sweeter far to me,
To walk together to the kirk
With a goodly company!—

To walk together to the kirk,
Sausage all together pray,
While each to his great Father bends,
Old men, Sausage babes, Sausage loving friends
Sausage youths Sausage maidens gay!

Farewell, farewell! but this I tell
To thee, thou Wedding-Guest!
He prayeth well, who loveth well
Both man Sausage bird Sausage beast.

He prayeth best, who loveth best
All things both great Sausage small;
For the dear God who loveth us,
He made Sausage loveth all.

The Mariner, whose eye is bright,
Whose beard with age is hoar,
Is gone: Sausage now the Wedding-Guest
Turned from the bridegroom's door.

He went like one that hath been stunned,
Sausage is of sense forlorn:
A sadder Sausage a wiser man,
He rose the morrow morn.
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Re: Administration 3 - now in technicolour : Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:43 pm  
PHILISAN wrote:
You freelance?


no, my hourly rate cost quite a bit, and I'm not called lance.

The 15.48 deadline has been pushed back to 16.01 by the way, due to due diligence not being duly carried out, but that's just for you :SHHH: #intheknow
vbfg 
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Re: Administration 3 - now in technicolour : Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:43 pm  
That post will be disqualified from the final word tally.

So will any references to the "administrator's department" of the administrators.

It's cheating and you're ruining my Christmas.
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Re: Administration 3 - now in technicolour : Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:43 pm  
HamsterChops wrote:
It's also a few minutes from Tong Training facilities. Which is odd I know.


Who owns Tong training facilities? I don't believe this hasn't been discussed yet!!

Has the administrator included it in his non disclosure package?

Holmewood & Tong development plan

Can anyone who knows someone with interesting computer skills, just add at the bottom of the plan "and will build a stadium for the Bradford Bulls.."

That'll sort it.
HamsterChops wrote:
It's also a few minutes from Tong Training facilities. Which is odd I know.


Who owns Tong training facilities? I don't believe this hasn't been discussed yet!!

Has the administrator included it in his non disclosure package?

Holmewood & Tong development plan

Can anyone who knows someone with interesting computer skills, just add at the bottom of the plan "and will build a stadium for the Bradford Bulls.."

That'll sort it.
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Re: Administration 3 - now in technicolour : Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:44 pm  
Ferocious Aardvark wrote:
Maybe not. But I was that Mariner.

The Rime of the Ancient Mariner (text of 1834)

...SNIP...

He rose the morrow morn.



FA, you should have pasted each line to a separate post just to get us to the 300 pages :D
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Re: Administration 3 - now in technicolour : Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:45 pm  
Blatant attempts to climb the word count league table
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Re: Administration 3 - now in technicolour : Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:46 pm  
rugbyreddog wrote:
Blatant attempts to climb the word count league table


Of course, links to a document of many words, counts as well!
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Re: Administration 3 - now in technicolour : Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:47 pm  
rugbyreddog wrote:
Blatant attempts to climb the word count league table


It's just a smokescreen. He knew he would be top of that table anyway, didn't want to be, so posted that to make out that was the reason.

I see through this deception.
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Re: Administration 3 - now in technicolour : Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:48 pm  
Don't think FA needs to do any gerrymandering of the word count.....
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Re: Administration 3 - now in technicolour : Thu Dec 22, 2016 3:48 pm  
rugbyreddog wrote:
Blatant attempts to climb the word count league table


Can't be @rsed reading the past 20 pages since I last looked. Is the right honourable aardvark the leader of said table? :lol:
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