First of all a big thank-you to Sheffield & Dewsbury for jumping the gun.
At overly due notice, it wasn’t a bad turnout from the Walkers (that, it is true, do give you a few more crisps in every baaag – many a mickle maks a muckle!)
charlie caroli wrote:
Clear as mud Bongser, it's that draught onion gravy you’re drinking........
This is not the first time that Charles has mentioned gravy with reference to Bongser’s epicurean traits. The latter suspects that, the sadly absent, Cokey may have leaked an old PM (no not Pitt the Younger (oxymoron?) but a Personal Message) that described Bongser’s culinary experiment with topping babbies’ yeds wi’ sweet chilli sauce. No need to get Judge Rinder involved.
However, Bongser will present this week’s summary as Dave Gourmand, in first person!!
Good evening. I’m Dave Gourmand and welcome to “Modern Life is Goul-ash.” For those of you not familiar with the show, we have a studio audience and I give a Powerpoint presentation that demonstrates the – ash part of the show’s title. I click my lickle clicker thingy to move to or fro amidst these PPP’s. The subject matter is usually taken from social media or other websites. I always wear a check shirt and a beard that people might recognise me and I always experiment with my steak pud toppings unless the show’s legal advisers wag their fingers. Tonight, viewers, it’s fingers to them!!
Now I’ve been dredging the lower reaches of the internet and a certain site called RLFans.com has had me gripped. What a strange set of people. Mainly Northerners I suspect – possibly perfectly nice in their own way. One in particular is having issues with Modern Life. This (CLICK) is his avatar:
Now I don’t know about you but for me, should he look like said avatar, he must be a damned handsome devil. I digress. He attempts to run a Weekly Prediction League. He is first of all challenged by too much CBA syndrome from the particular forum, secondly too much beer and, secondly again, by his time-keeping! But he has other problems as I will now reveal.
There was, apparently, a media blackout at Hunslet’s home game on Sunday. Flash (aah-aaaaaah!) displayed the letters FRO that, when hovered over, self explained as “Final Result Only”. The Beeb webside showed neauwt-baht for the first forty odd minutes. The only previous media blackout that I recollect was during the storming of the Iranian Embassy in London back in the day.
Into the second half the BBC site then displayed the scoreline as 18-0 but qualified that in the small print by saying that the score at HT had been 18-6. Curious.
Here (CLICK) is a screenshot taken later that day/night that purports to show the final score:
Viewers with good eyesight will notice that Auntie still has The Lager Louts down for 6 at HT. Quel le phoque (what the seal, as they say en France!)
The title of Series II, Episode 6 of this show was, “Dat is Data Dat is”.
I note that Bongser endured similar tribulations earlier in the season as the BBC credited the wrong R. Bailey with, not just being on the pitch, but scoring!! What was the score? Modern life is Goul-Ash thought we should know (this third person thing is catchy B&B). Over to Flash (aah-aaaaaah!)
Specs on again folks. I don’t know what you lot think but to me that looks pretty much like Hunslet 48 - Skolars 12. This was borne out by the Huns’ twitter account (CLICK):
However rugby-league.com went with Dave Woods’ lot.(CLICK):
I don't know about you, but I pity poor Bongser, I really do.
Cutting edge journalism, rugby-league.com, copy from the unreliable BBC. Finally the BBC has now decided to concur with other sources (CLICK):
.....and, funnily enough so has Rugby-League.com (CLICK):
Viewers, everyone seems now to be in accord but you can have little idea of the learning curve that I (Dave Gourmand, who is not as experienced as his soundalike) have been on today. A hosting site required me to set up an account, emailed me a password the recollection of which would take a fellah that could summon Pi to a thousand decimal places. Chrome then asked if I wanted it to remember the password but didn’t have a button labelled DON’T ASK VLADY STUPID QUESTIONS!! RLFans seems not to accept pngs so I had to find another site that would.......Forget it.
Rant over. It’s way past time for summing up. If members of the audience reach under their seats, they’ll find an electronic device. Please copy & paste the below link into a new browser tab, press enter and then return to the studio (CLICK):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSAd3NpDi6QsI’ve been trawling the sticky reaches of RLFans.com and there I’ve found what I call a “Found Poem” that I would like to perform for you now:
Eight in attendance, VL up to his old truancy tricks.
The Barrow vs Batley game resulted in an away win that was predicted by all bar Charlie. The game that must not be named was a big, fat wipe-out for everyone. Swinton beating Rochdale was foreseen by five members (losing out were Charlie, WLJ & Bongser).
Most played the percentages on the BBQ and were proved correct as there were no aggregate scorelines under 20 in the featured games. Charlie and Bongser (belting week for those two) thought otherwise. Five joint winners who each receive a further 25 points.
Mid8s standings (CLICK):
Wanderer on 174
Chayders on 147 (nice break, Sir)
Pubbers on 127
Tommers on 123
Zools on 105
Vanners on 90
Chukkas & Bonkers on 73
Jacobus on 44
Gaga Recuper8s (CLICK):
Trotters on 839
Atomic on 831
Pubbers on 775
Charlie on 735
Zools on 716
Bongser on 632
VL on 491
WLJ on 488
Cokey on 468
Jacky D’s on 114
LeytherX111 on 98
SBS on 22
Ladies & Gentlemen, you’ve been a lovely audience. I’m Dave Gourmand and I predict that both Vanners & Chayders will miss next Friday’s Sheffield versus Fev match.
Goodnight and I hope that I have proved that Modern Life is Goul....
.....ash!
