u RLFANS.COM - Joke thread.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 9:35 pm 
Cheeky half-back
Cheeky half-back
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Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 7:32 pm
Posts: 508
Location: On the patio, down the hill, with a beer in my fist and a huge street light shining on my screen !!
Yesterday, I saw 4 pall bearers at 11:00 carrying an orange coffin around the local graveyard.

When I passed at 14:30 I saw them again.

I'm

sure

that

they

had

lost

the

plot

!!

:oops:

:oops: :oops:






I'm out from under our Myrtle's feet again, Keeping the Black and Amber flag flying.

B-R-A-M-L-E-Y BRAMMERLEY, BRAMMERLEY. B-R-A-M-L-E-Y BRAMMERLEY, BRAMMERLEY

MINOR LEAGUE CHAMPIONS 4 YEARS RUNNING
( NOW we've got a complete set of Hub-caps)
""""" RLCN CHAMPIONS (Again) 2009 ** """""
"""" RLCN Beaten Finalists (Again) 2008""""
""" RLCN Beaten Finalists 2007 """
"" NL3 CHAMPIONS 2006 * ""
" NL3 Losing Finalists 2005 "
' NL3 Semi-Finalists 2004 '

"THE PRIZE CANNOT BE WON WITHOUT EFFORT"
(Non Sine Pulvere Palma)

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 5:57 pm 
Stevo's Armpit

Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2006 2:52 pm
Posts: 55
An elderly couple, Mary Lou and Dale moved to Arizona

Dale always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his Mary Lou, 'Notice anything different about me?' Mary Lou looked him over. 'Nope.'

Frustrated, Dale stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Mary Lou a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Mary Lou looked up and exclaimed, 'Dale, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious,Dale yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, Mary Lou?' 'Nope', she replied. 'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'

Without changing her expression, Mary Lou replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat, Dale. Shoulda bought a hat.'

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 Post subject: Re: Joke thread.
PostPosted: Thu Dec 10, 2009 8:49 pm 
Eddie Hemmings's Wig
Eddie Hemmings's Wig

Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2002 11:58 am
Posts: 190
Last week I checked into my hotel and I was a bit lonely. I thought, I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone books like escorts and such. I picked up the phone book and found an ad for a girl calling herself Heather, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture! I figured, what the heck, give her a call.

'Hello,' the woman says.......... God, she sounded sexy.

Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in. 'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you.. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything! Now, how does that sound?'




She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.'

I'll get me coat!

Pugwash.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke thread.
PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 3:06 pm 
Cheeky half-back
Cheeky half-back

Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:34 am
Posts: 757
My mate fell into a vat full of oats and syrup and got in a panic, I said don't get in a flap jack :cry:

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 Post subject: Re: Joke thread.
PostPosted: Sun May 30, 2010 11:38 am 
Eddie Hemmings's Wig
Eddie Hemmings's Wig

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 10:43 pm
Posts: 122
Location: somewhere in oakworth
Two Irishmen are making letter bombs. Pat says " Do you think I've put enought explosives in this envelope?" "Dunno" says Mick, "Open it and see!". "But it will explode!", says Pat. Mick says "Don't be fecking stupid - it's not addressed to you!"

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 Post subject: Re: Joke thread.
PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 9:10 am 
Strong-running second rower
Strong-running second rower

Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 1:44 pm
Posts: 372
Just got this from bloke at work so do not blame me. Warner brothers and libyan rebels have got together to produce another character to the looney tunes gang called Gadaffi Duck.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke thread.
PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2011 6:58 pm 
Eddie Hemmings's Wig
Eddie Hemmings's Wig
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Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2008 6:33 pm
Posts: 201
Location: Keighley
Mick Westerman






Put him on the pitch and parade him at half time.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke thread.
PostPosted: Tue Oct 25, 2011 7:47 am 
Cheeky half-back
Cheeky half-back

Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2005 9:32 pm
Posts: 945
Location: Living and working in sunny York
Whats black with 2 broken arms?.



Colonel Gaddafi's sunglasses.






Second Division Champions 2005
3rd time lucky

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 Post subject: Re: Joke thread.
PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:46 am 
Eddie Hemmings's Wig
Eddie Hemmings's Wig

Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2002 11:58 am
Posts: 190
A bloke goes to his local golf club and books a lesson with the pro. They go out to the first tee and the pro says right take your stance, feet shoulder width and relax your arms and address the ball. Just then a blonde naked as the day she was born runs across the fairway.

What's that says the bloke? Never mind says the pro, just take your stance again, feet shoulder width address the ball. Just then four blokes in white coats with a straight jacket run across the fairway. What's going on says the guy? Never mind says the pro, just get everything back like you had it and address the ball. Just then another guy in a white coat runs across the fairway carrying two buckets of sand.

Come off it says the learner, what's going on?

OK says the pro, the blonde is a nymphomaniac in the institution over the other side of the wall. Every week she escapes and those guys with the white coats and straight jacket are trying to catch her.

What about the guy in the white coat with the two buckets of sand says the learner?

Oh says the pro, he caught her last week and that's his handicap.

I'll get me coat.

Pugwash.

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 Post subject: Re: Joke thread.
PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 10:19 pm 
Strong-running second rower
Strong-running second rower

Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:04 pm
Posts: 270
Tiger Woods in Ireland

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a gas station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are dose?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger..
"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Fookin hael", says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everyting!"






Is a dream a lie if it don't come true. Or is it something worse?

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